Thursday, September 6, 2007

Back at Work

I've survived being back at work so far. My first test of the day came in the ladies room when I ran into a co-worker who said hello, but didn't recognize me. I could tell that she had no idea who I was! I saw her again today and she apologized for not recognizing me on Tuesday, but I've noticed that some people recognize me right away and others don't at all and I have to "introduce" myself to them. I don't know if I'd recognize me either if I came back to work after five months with a totally new hairstyle and color so I don't blame them.

Once I found my cubicle that Pete had actually set up for me (thanks, Pete!), my first day was a whirlwind. I volunteered to be on a review team for a proposal so then I was off to a meeting to discuss the project. I was also busy catching up with everyone and visiting. I also had to figure out my computer password that the IT guys changed on me a couple of weeks ago. I actually noticed because I couldn't log in to my email at home anymore. Thankfully Pete had been involved in the password change so he had my new password handy. I also had to take care of a bunch of stuff for Honeywell and complete some paperwork and take their ethics quiz. I'm still sorting out my desk because Pete did a great job setting up my desk, but he (rightfully) dumped other stuff in my desk drawer. I had a lot of junk in there that I forgot I had. It was like doing a time warp back to March and April when I suddenly ran out of work and into a new realm of wacky cancer reality.

Speaking of time warp, I found a bunch of emails from March and April from me or to me discussing my doctor visits prior to my echocardiogram. I had been sick for a few months with what I thought was a nasty cold or possibly anemia or possibly exercise-induced asthma. It was strange for me to read them, knowing now that it was cancer and not anemia. As I read through these emails, I kept thinking about how naive or blissfully unaware I had been that something evil was in my body. I also read an email I had written to Melissa right after the cardiologist had called urging me to leave work immediately to get my first of many CT scans. I remember now that I wrote her because I was freaked out and afraid and also because I wanted someone to know what the doctor found on my echocardiogram. I sent her an email because I didn't want to call her and say I was scared because I would have fallen apart and been hysterical on the phone. I saved the phone calls for Mike and my Mom. I remember that day clearly, and I had no idea how my life would change by the next day when I was diagnosed. I've saved those emails for now, but I might delete them sometime in the future.

I will say one thing about being back at work: I am not used to getting up at 6am! I do miss sleeping in until 8 or 8:30am when Riley would wake me up so he could go outside. I am so tired when I get home and fall asleep quickly when my head hits the pillow. I need to get to bed earlier and that will help tremendously. Whew, it's tough!

2 comments:

Mike J. said...

Honey - It is fun driving to work in the morning with one woman (wig on) and then driving home with another woman (wig off)!

You have done an excellent job in transiting from your cancer life, back into your professional life. Now your challenge is to merge those worlds.

This journey has shown me that you one tough cookie and posses an inner strength that even Wonder Woman would admire.

Love,
Your Hubby

Kate Lindon said...

Should your brief summary on the main page say you were diagnosed in April 2007 (not 2006)? Or am I in a time warp?

I've been away from your blog for awhile, so I'm catching up. Rock on with your bad self! Although being back at work leaves much to be desired, but good to get back in the ol' routine. We're thinking of you, and whenever you're up for a road trip, we're not far away!

Kate