I've survived being back at work so far. My first test of the day came in the ladies room when I ran into a co-worker who said hello, but didn't recognize me. I could tell that she had no idea who I was! I saw her again today and she apologized for not recognizing me on Tuesday, but I've noticed that some people recognize me right away and others don't at all and I have to "introduce" myself to them. I don't know if I'd recognize me either if I came back to work after five months with a totally new hairstyle and color so I don't blame them.
Once I found my cubicle that Pete had actually set up for me (thanks, Pete!), my first day was a whirlwind. I volunteered to be on a review team for a proposal so then I was off to a meeting to discuss the project. I was also busy catching up with everyone and visiting. I also had to figure out my computer password that the IT guys changed on me a couple of weeks ago. I actually noticed because I couldn't log in to my email at home anymore. Thankfully Pete had been involved in the password change so he had my new password handy. I also had to take care of a bunch of stuff for Honeywell and complete some paperwork and take their ethics quiz. I'm still sorting out my desk because Pete did a great job setting up my desk, but he (rightfully) dumped other stuff in my desk drawer. I had a lot of junk in there that I forgot I had. It was like doing a time warp back to March and April when I suddenly ran out of work and into a new realm of wacky cancer reality.
Speaking of time warp, I found a bunch of emails from March and April from me or to me discussing my doctor visits prior to my echocardiogram. I had been sick for a few months with what I thought was a nasty cold or possibly anemia or possibly exercise-induced asthma. It was strange for me to read them, knowing now that it was cancer and not anemia. As I read through these emails, I kept thinking about how naive or blissfully unaware I had been that something evil was in my body. I also read an email I had written to Melissa right after the cardiologist had called urging me to leave work immediately to get my first of many CT scans. I remember now that I wrote her because I was freaked out and afraid and also because I wanted someone to know what the doctor found on my echocardiogram. I sent her an email because I didn't want to call her and say I was scared because I would have fallen apart and been hysterical on the phone. I saved the phone calls for Mike and my Mom. I remember that day clearly, and I had no idea how my life would change by the next day when I was diagnosed. I've saved those emails for now, but I might delete them sometime in the future.
I will say one thing about being back at work: I am not used to getting up at 6am! I do miss sleeping in until 8 or 8:30am when Riley would wake me up so he could go outside. I am so tired when I get home and fall asleep quickly when my head hits the pillow. I need to get to bed earlier and that will help tremendously. Whew, it's tough!